Neurodivergent Love Languages
The idea of "love languages" was popularized by pastor and author Gary Chapman, who identified five primary ways people tend to express and receive love: acts of service, gifts, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation. (Take our quiz to discover yours!) While this framework is widely recognized, it doesn't always account for the unique ways neurodivergent individuals—people whose brains work differently from what's considered typical, such as autistic people or those with ADHD—like to express and experience love.
In 2021, the concept of neurodivergent love languages was born after a tweet by writer Myth went viral. In the tweet, Myth, who’s autistic themselves, playfully outlines five of the most common ways that neurodivergent people express and seek connection. The neurodivergent love languages have since become a staple of autistic culture on social media, though they’re applicable to other neurodivergent people, too.
Let’s dive into the five neurodivergent love languages:
1. Info Dumping
If you’ve ever passionately discussed a particular topic in depth with someone, you are already familiar with info dumping. Common among autistic people and ADHDers alike, info dumping is a common way for neurodivergent people to connect. Often, these long-winded discussions revolve around one person’s, or a shared, special interest.
2. Parallel Play and Body Doubling
Many neurodivergent people feel a sense of closeness through “parallel play”—engaging in separate activities while sharing the same physical space. One person might read a book while the other plays a video game, yet they find comfort in being in close proximity to one another.
Similarly, “body doubling” helps those with executive dysfunction, a common struggle among neurodivergent people, initiate and focus on tasks by having someone physically present with them. Body doubling isn’t about working together on a task but, rather, about fostering an environment of mutual support that makes tasks easier—particularly those that are tedious or personally uninteresting.
3. Spoon Sharing, or Support Swapping
Inspired by Christine Miserandino’s “spoon theory,” which uses spoons as a metaphor for units of energy, spoon sharing is a way neurodivergent partners can support one another by exchanging energy for tasks. Some days, a neurodivergent person may have fewer “spoons” available due to sensory overload or other challenges. In these cases, partners can share the load, taking on tasks the other finds difficult. For example, one partner may take on the laundry, while the other deals with a task that feels less taxing for them.
4. Deep Pressure
For many neurodivergent individuals, firm but comforting touch, such as a tight hug or a weighted blanket, can regulate their sensory systems. By creating a sense of safety and grounding, deep pressure is a beautiful way of expressing care for neurodivergent people with sensory sensitivities.
5. Penguin Pebbling
Did you know that penguins gift other penguins pebbles as part of their mating rituals? It’s true!
Among people in the neurodivergent community, particularly autistic individuals, this act is mirrored through penguin pebbling—the giving of small, thoughtful gifts, such as a pretty leaf picked up on a walk, a funny meme, or something else entirely. These small but meaningful tokens of affection are a way of showing care and deepening connection.
Which neurodivergent love language is your favorite? Have one you don’t see here? We’d love to hear about it—leave a comment below!
