Spotting First Date Red Flags
It all begins with an idea.
The first date is an exciting time—a special opportunity to connect and discover if there’s potential with someone new. While approaching the experience with an open mind is admirable, it’s just as important to stay alert to any red flags that might arise along the way. Paying attention to these early signs can help you determine whether a relationship has the potential to be healthy and fulfilling or if it might lead to challenging or even damaging dynamics over time.
Here are 9 red flags to watch out for on a first date with someone new:
1. They are late and don’t provide an explanation or apology.
From unexpected traffic to last-minute emergencies, being late to a first date can happen for many reasons that are often outside people’s control. However, if your date does not acknowledge, explain, or apologize for their tardiness, it may signal a lack of consideration and respect for your time and effort.
2. They play hard to get.
There’s no hard-and-fast rule for how emotionally open someone should be on the first date. With that said, if you find that your date intentionally withholds affection or acts aloof in order to create a sense of mystery or challenge, you may, understandably, feel uncertain, exasperated, or even devalued.
When it comes to healthy relationships, mind games are never a part of the equation—strong connections thrive on open communication and mutual effort. If you find yourself chasing or trying to win over the other person, take note: it’s a clear sign of an already-imbalanced dynamic.
3. They shower you with excessive admiration and compliments.
On the flip side, over-the-top compliments, excessive praise, or grand displays of affection are just as concerning, often even more so. Love bombing, a term commonly used to describe these behaviors, is a manipulation tactic designed to gain control over and foster dependency in another person. While it may initially feel flattering or even exciting, love bombing creates a false sense of intimacy and places undue pressure to reciprocate feelings before you’re ready.
True intimacy and love develop naturally over time. Even if love bombing feels good in the moment, it’s a form of manipulation that often escalates into more harmful or even abusive patterns as the relationship progresses.
4. They overshare, revealing lots about themselves quickly or going too deep too fast.
People overshare for a variety of reasons—and how individuals define oversharing varies from person to person. For some, oversharing stems from a struggle to read social cues or understand what’s appropriate to share on the first date. It can also result from poor boundaries, a lack of self-awareness, a desire to elicit sympathy, or—like in the case of love bombing—a strategy to rush intimacy.
It’s natural to want to connect. At the same time, in healthy relationships, vulnerability develops over time through mutual trust and effort. If someone’s oversharing leaves you feeling uneasy or overwhelmed, we encourage you to pay attention to and honor that reaction.
5. They frequently bring up their ex(es).
If your date keeps steering the conversation back to their ex, it’s likely they haven’t truly moved on and aren’t in the place to date someone new. In some cases, they might even be using the conversation to compare you to their former partner, which puts you in an unfair position from the get-go.
For those in polyamorous relationships, it’s not uncommon to process breakups while remaining connected to other partners. However, even in these situations, if your date is so preoccupied with their ex that they’re unable to be fully present with you, it’s a sign of a lack of emotional availability.
6. They don’t show interest in you, instead spending the date talking about themselves.
Dates and relationships themselves require a balance of give and take. If your date dominates the conversation, rarely asks you questions, or appears disinterested in your perspective, they may struggle with self-centeredness and, again, a lack of emotional availability. Healthy relationships are built on mutual curiosity and active listening where both people are equally valued.
7. They treat or talk about others poorly.
How someone treats others says a lot about their character. If your date frequently speaks poorly of others or exhibits rude or disrespectful behavior toward the people around them, such as a server at a restaurant, it might reflect deeper issues with kindness and respect for others—qualities essential for building a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
8. They push your boundaries.
Subtle or overt boundary-pushing signals a lack of respect for your autonomy and consent. Here are a few signs of boundary-pushing to watch for on a first date:
They pressure you to share personal or sensitive information about yourself.
They make suggestive comments that make you feel uncomfortable, despite your attempts to change the subject.
They objectify or oversexualize you.
They ignore your verbal or non-verbal cues to stop or slow down physical touch, like holding your hand or leaning in closer.
They encourage you to drink or try drugs, even after you’ve said no.
They try to convince you to go somewhere private, like their home.
They insist on extending the date after you’ve said that you need to leave.
You have a right to your boundaries. If your date tests or disregards them, trust your instincts—don't hesitate to remove yourself from the situation. Your comfort and safety come first.
9. They insult you, even in subtle ways—putting down your taste, intelligence, personality, or appearance.
Insults, even when disguised as jokes or playful teasing, have no place in a healthy relationship and often indicate disrespectful, manipulative, or even abusive tendencies. In fact, what may start as subtle insults can escalate into more abusive behaviors over time. If you notice your partner insults you, know that it solely reflects their character, not you. Remember: you deserve to be with someone who treats you with kindness and respect at every stage of the relationship.
Final Thoughts
There are many reasons someone might exhibit one or more of these red flags, and our goal in discussing them isn’t to label anyone as “bad” or “toxic.” However, if you notice any of these warning signs, it’s important to take it seriously and consider if dating them is right for you, even if the person has positive qualities (as everyone does). You deserve to be with someone who is emotionally available and respects your feelings, your boundaries, and your time—as well as those of others. Don’t hold out for potential; trust what you see and take people at face value. It’s not always easy, but you’ll thank yourself later.